The Art of Saying ‘No’

Most of us always struggle to say no, but this is an important art to master. We often end up saying yes to irrelevant things just out of fear that the other person might feel discarded and just to shun this feeling, we say yes to things that aren’t in line with our belief.

We end up being part of those office gossips, though it doesn’t go with our ethics just because we donot want to be refused by our co-workers and somehow just for their approval we say yes to be part of something that we never liked in first place. Next time try and say No to the dinner invite of the relative who always makes fun of you which you accepted just so that your mom is happy ……….say a clear no to any such social obligation that drain your life of time and energy.

These examples I quoted are just the tip of the iceberg, there are people who are kind but yet they end up being part of the bigger plot and scheme just because they couldn’t say no. I have known people who are genuine but who ended up being emissaries to bad people, as they wanted their approval and couldn’t say no. I have seen them regretting, apologizing but at what cost, they compromised with their values, virtues and above all their time, they caused themselves stress, as they neither wanted to be part of it and nor could they now live with the fact that they did it.

So what happens when you say a Yes without actually wanting to do something……….it happens to each one of us……….well we hate what we do then we stress about it, get perturbed and we hate the other person more. Almost all of us have a fear that we might be judged, condemned or criticized for saying a No and hence we end up being People Pleaser. So next time when you say a Yes, just do a mental calculation of the time, effort and sometimes money that goes into saying a yes to things that you could have said no to, we all have tightly packed schedules and please let me be clear about one very important thing that is it applies to every single person from a Janitor to a CEO has its own set of priorities and things that really matter to them, which sometimes saying a yes always have to be sidelined and forgotten……….so teach yourself that it’s time to make a change…..and how fruitful this change could be let me just highlight few instances for you………

  • You are gonna spend more time with your family, children, pets and in fact with your passion if you start saying no to those late evening drinks that your boss or coworkers ask you for and you donot even want to attend.
  • You will be saved of attending so many weddings and functions of the cousins which you were doing just for your mom’s approval.
  • You are going to enjoy your weekends if you start saying no to those uncalled extra work hours on weekends, which actually are meant for those lunches and gossips only, so save on those hours you sat through when you had no real reason to be there.

Saying no to things we donot approve of will allow us to say yes to things that matter more to us………..so a small no will help us work on things that are our priorities………… and before we wind up, let me just tell you that this article in no way aims to insinuate my fellow human beings to start getting into a brawl every time someone asks for a favor that we don’t really appreciate  of …………..all I am trying to convince of is that we usually overestimate the cost of saying no and hence end up saying a yes…….though actually all we need to do is just practice different polite but confident ways of saying no without any  explanation of course………

  • I really wanted to but………not this time.
  • Sorry – something very important and personal came up today.
  • No Not right now, but will surely get back to you if things change.
  • Such an honor you thought of me but I am dealing with too much right now.

So fellow beings remember that saying an unnecessary yes will always add extra pressure in our life; it will cut our ‘Me time’. Tune yourself to remind that going for that late night coffee or helping a lazy bone with their excel sheet might end up giving you sleep-less nights and disrupting your healthy cycle of exercise and diet. Few things which we might never get back are the precious time lost and the compromise we make with our worth and virtue. So it’s just  fine to say no.

Traditions…..civilizations….people…

Because if you don’t know where you are from, it’s kinda hard to know where you are going. Unless where you are going is home……Meredith Grey

My mother has been insisting to arrange a small reverence at our almost 2 centuries old manor, but   being occupied with work have been delaying it ever since……………this adoration is a very dear part of our family traditions….but still none in our generation has been able to make time for it……..none of us have are free….. all busy running the mad race……. till COVID made us to take a break……..a break which is heart breaking, sad, depressing……..yet COVID provided us with an opportunity to think about the importance of other human beings in our life and the joys associated with these humans, their traditions, family values………..get together……

The Traditions provide us with the initial rooting, they define who we become …………..Traditions give us profound meaning….a sense of attachment to our ancestry …………which is why we keep running them through the generations…………they give us joy and we rely on them for association with our history. They are the practices, anecdotes, faiths, beliefs, ethnicity that we share and pass on………they could start from the larger units like civilizations, religions and come down to basic units which are tribes and families & a person…………..and they create association and memories for us …they are important as they provide us a sense of belongingness ………….and something to look for and hope…….an identity……feelings and memories that we can share with the family members……………its them that provide a sense of continuity…….from one to next generation……………….they are actually the information that we transfer  to next generation for them to easily download and install inherited values, thoughts & culture………….

So next time make time for those special festivals……holiday seasons……for that Indian Diwali to a merry and joyous Christmas …………..because making time for them will truly be worth it……….it will give you pleasure and will make you realize how closely knit the families are, how strong the bond can be  thanks to these traditions. Traditions connect intensely with children as it’s the first step that tells them… what it is to feel part of the family……….that it is very unique and extraordinary to one family. So it calls for setting up and maintaining these traditions though it will require commitment which we are losing in this fast life style….but the reminder that our traditions act as a link to all of our relationships and qualitative experiences of family life and that they help in building civilized societies, civilized us……..will help us protect and preserve them…….yes it takes effort, but can be very rewarding…………….traditions connect us to our past………….and they have been surviving …wars…pandemics…..natural calamities and keeping us human……..

Life!!!!!!

“If having a life and a body is not worthy of celebration, then what is the point of avoiding death?”…..Lexie –Grey’s Anatomy.

Yes, I have been binge watching this entire series and have almost finished season 17 and really can’t get over with the little fare for thoughts the characters leave us with. So here goes the take away.

It’s exceedingly important to know and learn to live life to the fullest; it will really take lot of perseverance and purpose. And you have to find this purpose of your life because it just cannot be “cut copied or pasted”, no two human can have exactly same purpose and priorities………for some it could be taking care of a child, others it could just be career, for some it could just be creating art, or serving humanity……for others it could just be being themselves…..it could be anything ……but it has to serve one supreme purpose “of making one happy” because that’s when everything falls into place. Our life is the sum total of the choices we make and remember we donot have infinite chances to have things that we really want, so never ever miss an opportunity that makes you happier.

I agree life isn’t just a happy journey, it causes hurt, pain, loss, but we need to live strong to appreciate this one of chance that we have…to breathe, to feel, to love, to be human. So start now and train yourself to practice living in the moment and seeking happiness in whatever you do that’s way more satisfying, we need to train and retrain ourselves in this constantly changing world so that we can adapt well…these changes could be anything you name it……loss of a family member……a serious illness……loss of a job………such terrible things will happen………..that’s the pain of life and I donot mean that you laugh at them……because yes its absolutely human to feel miserable and lost when in pain………but by happiness I mean always knowing that you’re not going to give up on life because of these horrible feelings that pain causes………..this is actually the whole point ………that we need to keep training to be happy and let this training be our survival instinct.

We are alive…we are living…we are breathing ….and pain is beautiful because that’s what makes life…pains defines who we are……it defines our choices………our reactions…its actually this pain that’s the true GPS of our life……some give up….some don’t…..some fade out……..some shine brighter.

So strap up the backpack for the journey called life with these basics and you are going to have an amazing one:-

  • Gratitude, be grateful for what you have. 
  • Love and care, so that you will always have someone around backing you up……and naming you even after you are gone.
  • Don’t compromise, if something doesn’t feel right, don’t do it. YOLO…why fill yourself with regret. 
  • Be Kind, help someone feel better
  • Execute your dreams

Find out your purpose that makes you and your life meaningful and go after it. Don’t let the feeling of lack weigh you down. Life is like building a sandcastle with tide coming in fast………so just build it full, the way you want……and admire it before it washes away, because that’s the law of nature ………..so that your epitaph never reads………“I had more to do! I had plans!”

Intimidated

Just back from a very amazing book haul, with my best friend…….Saint Anuja (Nick named, as she has an answer to all the problems, yeah majorly).

After a wonderful book bunch purchase we stopped for the coffee, we started chit chatting….the regular gossips and who doing what stuff………in the middle of it we were just discussing why people get anxious or intimidated by other people, I asked her doesn’t she gets nervy and I was expecting a big lecture from the saint, yes I got one but the way it started made it so clear and so easy ………she said:-

 “Oh..My! I love myself because am worthy in my own world so why should I be intimidated”

Why do we humans get nervous in presence of other humans? it’s probably because we are not confident enough of our own value, and we compare with others, with may be a high status, or a snobbish body language or else probably a deft speaker or else rich or famous person, or someone with better degrees…so on and so forth……..we lose half the battle when we form this notion that someone is better off than us……..So  it can be inferred here that the root cause we get intimidated is because we let other humans tower over us, just because we donot find our own-self admirable and we conclude this by making illogical comparisons and then end up giving them the superiority over our personality.

 Remember if you are often intimidated by others, you no longer need to because you just need to retrain yourself to know that:-

You are one human just facing another human, and that they even aren’t at all different from you. They might get powerful in one situation but remember you might be better off in other walks of life.

Have often heard people describing others as being more powerful or influential , but remind yourself, money, a big post, fame doesn’t make someone powerful, in fact if this the power someone is showing off then he or she is nothing but a bag of insecure fragile ego, because actual power is in being kind, being generous. So donot let these materialistic things define power and tower over you.

Also one has to stop being insecure of how the world will judge, stop being affected by judgments. Because when you get affected by judgments you totally surrender to the power of the others and that’s when you get intimidated…… “What will they think of me”? Don’t let it get you frightened.  When you love yourself, no one literally no one can hurt you, intimidate you, and judge you.

Donot fake ever, just for the sake of others approvals. Just be you, genuinely.

It’s no rocket science; you have to value yourself for who you are…… both your faults and your forces.

“May the Force be with you”……….. Obi-Wan Kenobi,

What lies ahead???

“The expected is what keeps us steady. It’s the unexpected that changes our lives forever.” —Meredith Grey

The Future holds our destiny, when we reach future we finally know what our fears and hopes have turned out to be.

But is it worth worrying about the future?????? …… Let’s see how worrying works…..if we worried all the time thinking of worst possible scenarios yet things turned out right that would mean we wasted our precious time over nothing and if despite worrying things turned out wrong that would mean we ended up giving that problem twice the required attention and hence waste of precious time again. So if we just review we can conclude that despite all the stress we took, it dint turnout to be even vaguely useful for changing what was destined. In fact, it only aggravated the frustration in the present moment which we totally missed to live in.

Remember that every moment of the present, which we use to stress about the future, means we are opting to give up today’s happiness.  Though, stressing out today we might feel that we are finding an answer as it’s  a trick that stress plays with our brain but in reality we are moving towards more pain, pain of over thinking, pain of assuming hypothetical situation, pain of not being present in the moment, pain of not being with the family. This constant worrying affects our rational evaluation while we obsess over future possibilities though in reality no negative event might ever occur. It’s a standoff between the present moment and the yet non-existent future.

The future majorly has surprises and it’s absolutely human to wonder what lies ahead because to a point it might help us get prepared for all the array of possibilities. But please just remember to define and stop this pain before it becomes unbearable and these are the major symptoms to help us identify:-

Emotional Symptoms:-

  • Being physically present but mentally absent even among the people we love. 
  • Trouble concentrating.
  • Mood swings and loss of interest in what once were our leisure pursuits.

Physical Symptoms:-

  • Sleep disorders
  • Restlessness
  • Queasiness

So set an alarm to not employ all our strength stressing about something that hasn’t even turned up yet and keep repeating that we cannot control everything, because as I always say the warrior within listens…..so speak good and speak strong……. Just focus on what we can actually change so let it be one day……. one moment at a time because this will help us find the importance the present.

Spiritual Fitness

“Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

Spiritual fitness is one of the most misapprehended notion. It doesn’t at all mean or relate to any  religion or religious belief but rather its an act of finding and maintaining the purpose and meaning of life, something that makes our brain feel contended and healthy. What Gym does to our physical form the happy thoughts act the same for our brains and help us attain spiritual fitness.

And as Paulo Coelho highlighted the world is really full of instructors, but remember the instructors work well only in Gyms on our physical fitness because for the mental/spiritual well being we need to evoke “Self”.

Spiritual fitness is always sidelined and all of us seek comfort and happiness from external sources…assuming that the materialistic possessions will help us gratify our brain to shape those mental muscles but then we fail  wretchedly because the true essence is finding your motivation inside yourself.

Try the following workouts to achive spiritual fitness and enjoy flexing your mental muscles:-

  • Know Thy Self:-Connect with your inner self to understand your strengths and weaknesses.
  • Feed Thy Self Good:- Maintain a healthy lifetstyle as it reflects most on our spiritual health, keep a check on the  nutrition  your body gets and remember the physical and mental health go hand in hand so get those yoga sessions or hit the gym.Rememebr a strong mind resides in a strong body!!!!
  • Gift Thy Self Happy infatuation:- Find your happiness booster something that actually helps you express yourself it could be a hobby or a hidden talent because it gives your brain happiness without judgement of what lies in future!!!!…it will help you declutter your brain. So get infatuated and pursue what makes you love your self. {Big Houses,Cars, rich possessions  are the happiness parametrs defined by communal heavy weights, remember you are already doing a job or busines for that, but do find time to keep the self happy}.
  • Change Thy Surroundings:- “Move your Cheese on your own” because being surrounded by constant negativity and criticism messes with your brain instead get yourself into good calming habits, may be read a book, take a walk, go for cycling, listen to motivational audios, but then just budge from that negative place to let the brain breathe…..just a reminder the brain breathes positivity for keeping itself healthy and tell yourself never ever to let any random statement by a person affect you negatively.

Spirituality is a very private experience, and each spiritual journey may be only one of its kind but it surely does help you find out your your strengths , help you deal with your weaknesses and work out your very own methods of coping with hassles of life.

“CONSIDER THIS When things do go wrong, ask yourself whether you could have prevented it by being unhappy.”
― Loretta Graziano Breuning, Habits of a Happy Brain: Retrain Your Brain to Boost Your Serotonin, Dopamine, Oxytocin, Endorphin Levels

Procrastination

“My advice is, never do to-morrow what you can do today. Procrastination is the thief of time. Collar him!”
― Charles Dickens, David Copperfield

Procrastination is the tendency of holding up essential duties. No its not laziness because oxford dictionary says laziness is unwilling to work or be active, where on the other hand procrastination is just an irrational delay without any rhyme or reason till we are faced by a deadline or urgency probably because the procrastinator is afraid of the potential failure.

Procrastination becomes a risk when it’s persistent and it leads to management issues and impacts major part of our lifestyle by wasting our time, with major impact on our psychological health and social welfare. Despite there being so many flaws why do we procrastinate, though no one has ever been able to establish real cause but it’s majorly because of the following:-

  • We fear failure
  • We lack motivation
  • We lack self-discipline
  • We ignore the value of time.

Procrastinators often leave execution to the very last moment and hence nullify actual worth of the task in hand. But we can fight it out by:

  • Facing our fear
  • Creating easy and achievable goals.
  • Maintaining consistency
  • Having a motivation guide, someone we listen to, a friend or a family member
  • Assigning time to every activity and not going beyond that
  • Always having a self time break.

“Procrastination is my sin.
It brings me naught but sorrow.
I know that I should stop it.
In fact, I will — tomorrow!”

— Gloria Pitzer

Albatross

‘God save thee, ancient Mariner!

From the fiends, that plague thee thus!—

Why look’st thou so?’—With my cross-bow

I shot the ALBATROSS.

Ah! well a-day! what evil looks

Had I from old and young!

Instead of the cross, the Albatross

About my neck was hung.

The Rime of the Ancient Mariner -By Samuel Taylor Coleridge

It was either grade 9 or 10………..when I read this poem for the first time it was the part of our curriculum.This Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s poem was quite unlike from the Other English works or poems, prose’s we were taught, because of the use of Old-fashioned words and a hint of mystery made it totally different; it’s more like a folk ballad. It covers so many human emotions and practices and their belief’s……….. Misfortunes….spells….adversity, in fact the Ill-omened tones make this poem eerie … like a mystifying circumstance needing to be solved.

This poem has over 143 stanzas with stunning contrasts from the disheveledness ……………to timelessness……to deaths….to remorse for sins ……….”Killing of the albatross is against Mother Nature” says this poem  Spotlighting the supremacy …….the retribution of Mother Nature.Sin and remorse is the key premise here, since we Homo sapiens are habitual of taking things for granted and are awakened only when we are jolted ……….The Covid19 situation is that awakening this time.This poem reminds us how mighty natural world is and that the killing of the albatross without any reason symbolizes an attempt to master Mother Nature.The inference of this ballad is to appreciate all forms of life and the power of nature.

This time it was proved………we have been burning jungles, killing the natural habitat of several animals in fact when you Google it says “Since the 16th century, humans have driven at least 680 vertebrate species to extinction and that Humans are the main drivers of mammalian species extinction. As the habitats and biodiversity failure is increasing globally, the experts around the world say that the corona virus may be a beginning of the mass pandemics…because We are cutting trees, killing animals, caging them …..Putting these living beings in markets either to be consumed or to be made out into those silly high-end bags/accessories …………we were upsetting the ecosystems and boom one day we shook a virus loose …………deforestation is leading to the spread of more infectious diseases in humans…malaria…zika….Dengue, Chikungunya, yellow fever…..are just the starters Puzzle is you donot know what pathogens might come out of the forest/the melting ice in the future……..And when that happens,You realize that “Instead of the cross, it was the Albatross”….. We are the “it”…the cause…..we are the reason for the world is this way now.

We are clearing forests for setting up manufacturing units, for diamond projects stating “A Diamond is forever”No dear humans the forests are the forever; they have been here forever and are the real diamonds of all living beings.When we intrude the natural world, we face damages; the mammoth economic and

Health distress that Covid has caused is the actual truth, so it’s time we need to reset our rapport with nature as a crucial resource, we need to start now we need the reforestation,We have had too many floods and landslides to say that it’s time now 2020 taught us what happens when nature turns adversary…..We need to make it our collaborator, for creating healthy societies….A world not only prosperous but much safer and healthier.

:::::: Few more stanzas from the poem ::::::

Like one, that on a lonesome road

Doth walk in fear and dread,

And having once turned round walks on,

And turns no more his head;

Because he knows, a frightful fiend

Doth close behind him tread.

::::::

He went like one that hath been stunned,

And is of sense forlorn:

A sadder and a wiser man,

He rose the morrow morn.

Writer’s discourse:-I started writing by adding a tinge of Science but literature being another favorite of mine, have tried getting that into this article now.The text alignment is centralized to give it the look of the poem physically.Have used original stanza of the poem.

Guilt

“Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do.”
― Voltaire

Well Guilt is an emotion which we experience when we feel awful about something we did or else something we didn’t do.

I most of the time feel guilty about everything and probably that’s the case with most of us , am already guilty while I am writing this blog that I haven’t called my mom today, which is my daily routine to check on her , as her being a cancer survivor……………I already feel guilty as I allowed my daughter Shreya a burger and coke…….on a weekday…though it’s a house rule that junk only on Sundays but I gave in to her innocence ………………… Plus thanks to the Covid lockdown and closed Gyms I eat all day guilt……………So most of us in this whole wide Universe have filled our little allotted space with guilt.

Thankfully, the one’s I listed above are just the tip, the iceberg gets made of the bigger stuff……….here goes the list…people being guilty of not spending time with family………not able to work late hours like other colleagues……… I have met  people carrying the Guilt baggage of trusting wrong people, many of my friends….when we meet are still talking about them (in fact even I have many a times trusted wrong people, in fact gross people, they were like Zombies)…………but why should we carry the baggage of trusting wrong people………we did right……one of the virtuous human emotion is trust……..then why should the one who trusts carry the burden……….we couldn’t have known the person had nasty plans…..so just let it be………move on, it won’t be first time remember to keep trusting people with the notion that you will definitely come across a defector again and that this is how human beings are….at least stop carrying this Guilt baggage…………I will share the guilt ghost that haunts me these days……you see when I was working I always carried the burden of not being able to spend time with my family, my daughter……….now that I have taken a break……….I am loving the time I spend with this little angel (Can’t resist speaking about her these days she is Captain Nash of the LAFD station 118, as she loves enacting the television series 911)………now I get more time to read …to write…….but then sometimes when I meet people they question my decision……and then the monster called guilt gets active again and regardless of all the positivity mentioned above…………it makes me feel bad……I feel burdened that despite having those degrees………engineering…….Post grad in finance and law……what am I doing with my life………..and frankly it haunts and eventually it hurts…………so you see here this monster haunted me on both the decisions I made……..when I was working I was guilty of not being with the family and now that I quit to be a part of them I m guilty of not justifying my education and compromising my career……….so you see it’s a bad bad monster………its always there……”ubiquitous”………but then I will tell you how I fight it back……………I confidently let it know, that when I was working I was very happy and diligent and loved my work and dear Mr. Monster I might also someday get back to it as it being one of my favorites but then let me enjoy this moment, let me at least try and live in the present moment…as I don’t do justice to my decision how am I supposed to know I was right or wrong….and above all dear guilt monster both the scenarios are incomparable……….so we genuinely need to fight this bad tendency to feel guilty about the outcomes and behaviors we are not responsible for…………there are so many of us who might feel guilty for wanting more…………..but that’s ok….for some its more money…..other’s more peace …or more time or more adventure……it could be anything that keeps you sane. So Guilt!!! ….My friends, is a controlling emotion…………it keeps us hostage and keeps us focused on the past all the time………..remember whatever you decide this monster is always against the motion……..be brave.

So we get a clear definition of Guilt at this stage, it’s a feeling we have when we apprehend that we let ourselves or others down by not meeting a standard……………these standards could be widely approved (say professional parameters of measuring success viz the timelines, promotions….staying late at work culture etc.) or could be self-imposed, that you haven’t met your expectation…………now Guilt has types……it might sound a little weird……….but what I decipher, there are actually guilt types……….the happy guilt and the unhappy guilt.

Happy guilt’s are part of the normal life and usually don’t disorient us because they are actually a feeling check that we get when we realize that we  acted unsuitably and this happy guilt is telling us to make amends then and there…….so no lingering in the past…no over thinking………just amend………So if I dint call my mom yet, happy guilt will make sure I call her the moment I am done writing and make it up by a video call……………and It will make sure this Saturday is a no junk food day for my daughter………and the gym part there let’s just forget it (Pun intended)…………….Happy guilt’s are important as they help us develop a conscience , a person who knows how other human needs to be treated because remember people who never feel guilt of causing pain to others are morally wrong.

Unhappy guilt is unbalanced and irrational…………….that is you feel guilty about something you are not actually to be blamed for……..for example when you are trying to do your good with no plans of troubling others, yet if others are upset by that then remember its not you to carry the baggage of guilt…………unhappy guilt feels like……putting oneself aside and doing what others want or holding oneself responsible for how others feel about a situation………….viz. you getting promoted and your colleague dint ….or else you having a decent life but your best friend in middle of a family feud…………..you start asking yourself could I have done something to help the colleague or the friend when you relate to such situation you get you are hovered over by those coulds……….. Woulds…..and shoulds and they lead to all the confusion……its absolutely obvious that we all have 2 options and outcome of one would be anti to second……then why fall prey and be a hostage…………So just self help…..and with panache tell yourself that it’s my decision and I stand up to it and will at least give it a try  and won’t waste present in the cloud’s and woulds of past…….that’s it….a full stop, this strong thought and the monster vanishes……………because this is life…..and we understand we will have to trade off but not necessarily have to carry the burden of guilt.

So now let’s get down to the basics of fighting unhappy guilt’s ……….let’s start by naming it………….by that we mean identify it………..like those horror movies……..you call the ghost when you have to throw it out……..then all you have to do is be reasonable about things and thoughts that can be controlled………….then try and look for verification…………..you do that by combating the repetitive unhappy guilt by halting the negative analysis our brain gets us into……also look for other’s (the sensible others please ) opinion  for an idea ……………and try and arrive at a point that is the state of affairs really your fault or in fact in the first place this isn’t even a fault its part of the life cycle ……..the decisions & choices we make………….another sure shot way out is just question the standardization of literally everything these days …………so all I mean to highlight is just don’t let the unrealistic standards cause guilt…………….and then at last be self-confident and self assured of your tradeoffs, there  is a famous punch line of Smirnoff………..“Life is calling where are you!!”…………so drop down that baggage and go attend life sometimes…………

Remember no one can advise the right or the wrong because in the first place such people will always be unaware of your priorities and hence always avoid falling in trap of the guilt trip. So dear fellow Homo Sapiens stand up for yourself in such circumstances and once you are sure that you are on the right path…………….let the monster know the message brusquely.

RAGE……

The covid lockdown has led to too much binge watching, and I have redone my tryst with Grey’s Anatomy and came across one of my favorite dialogue……………

“So what makes anger different from the six other deadly sins? It’s pretty simple really, you give into a sin like envy or pride and you only hurt yourself. Try lust or coveting and you’ll only hurt yourself and one or two others. But anger, anger is the worst… the mother of all sins… Not only can anger drive you over the edge, when it does you take an awful lot of people with you.” (Meredith Grey)

That’s a fact there is so much anger in the world these days. Many people say that anger is more prevalent today than ever before………road rage, workplace hostility, relationship rage and in relationships this could even get  infectious and hence both people in a relationship might often end up getting angry……………and so on…so forth………..but I have experienced that anger always has an underlying emotional trigger…………. Frustration, unexpressed feelings, unacknowledged disagreement or may be anxiety……………but yes all these triggers are self-created occurrences of panic that comes from focusing on the future and comparison…………anger is basically a cry of help………….that the person isn’t OK and needs help.

People these days are angry about anything and everything, I myself encountered few………most were so avoidable yet they led to bigger outcomes………as small as someone parking in a spot you wanted led to a massive fight……….in fact I have even met people who were angry for days because someone else chose a very expensive private school and the person couldn’t …………on road people face rage as they just try to overtake or may be honk of in fact just changed lanes ……………there are people in anger at gym as someone took that one etc set on the machine………………….. All these things are annoying, but they’re part of normal life……………..they are so minute …….. You can’t always park where you want…..the other person has also paid his gym fees and he isn’t taking that machine for ever right!!!!!…….still people get angry — simmering with rage for days.

There are those burning in rage every time someone at a job gets a promotion — whether or not you are associated with that person in fact some are full of rage as like others you are not able to go on fancy vacations. And how ever hard the near and dear ones might try such people could not be talked out of their anger, nothing could help them release it. It just grows….unfocused and unclear, building an irate cloud about one’s whole personality.

Remember this is that one emotion that you have to start helping yourself first……….as I mentioned few instances above, even if that angry person got a parking slot he would look for unhappiness in other forms which could be even pigeon shit on the car roof…………even if they got a good job compared to the other person………..all they would see is faults in bosses or colleagues ……………such angry people on  vacations will be irate as all they are thinking about is that at the end of vacations they will have to go back home to normal lives. So you see they don’t enjoy what they get …………. as I mentioned above…………..living in future, comparing yourself with someone else leads to rage and all the other underlying emotions ……………rage blinds a person….this person is never able to see how his own actions might contribute to the way people reacted to him, how his extreme anger might have spoiled chances of better treatment at work assignments or for a sturdy relationships.

Rage won’t help, it will blind you so much that you might not be able to save the things you love, just because someone crossed your car, you end up chasing the person jumping signals and ending up in court, what if your good academic resume gets tainted by such a road rage mention………………anger is corrosive and painful…………remember if you don’t change yourself people around you will move on…………and you will rust with your anger

Anger is a normal human emotion till the point it is out of control and starts affecting other people and turns destructive………..you’re left at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion. ……………………….I know majority of time you are told ‘don’t get angry’…………..but no one ever tells ‘how not to get angry’.

Though I also wanted to incorporate a “how to control anger “ note in this article…… but for the first time I didn’t know whether anger issues have a solution……..because the person suffering doesn’t listen to advices when affected by this emotion and he or she is in total control of this emotion…………..when you are sad or low, vulnerable or lonely ……….you listen and so help reaches you……….but anger doesn’t let other’s get through you………..so how do we start………I think let’s start with self help……….simply put, this means change the way you think………as per me to start with all you need is an uplifting reminder that you are not the center of the universe…….……..angry people tend to curse, swear, or say hurt full things………. that have no meaning at all ……….so try replacing these thoughts with more balanced ones…………..tell yourself “it’s frustrating, and you are upset, and that getting angry is not going to fix it.”…………this step of balancing your words will for sure get you help…….because otherwise choice of wrong thoughts and hence wrong words will make your first responders alienate and feel humiliated………….who otherwise might be thinking of helping you genuinely.

So as I mentioned above just remind yourself that “you are not the centre of the world” remember the most powerful emotion to fight anger is LOGIC, because irrationality provokes anger………….. repeat to yourself that it’s a phase and that it won’t last long, it’s just a rough patch………..do this each time you feel anger getting on you, and it’ll help you get a neutral outlook.………At this stage I also agree that few times anger has a legitimate cause which are the unavoidable problems of our lives…..and that sometimes anger is correct it’s a healthy response to these difficulties……………

Remember expressing anger is indispensable, but remind yourself to be in control because it’s always  better to direct your anger to problem than people …………..as its better to channelize energies for finding solutions then finding excuses…………..

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